I dont know! Im back here. Im sorry i havent been on in a while. Im lost again, Brian has been gone three weeks and im about to be done working. I cant wait for college. I took the day off to meet with this girl and at first i thought she was standing me up but it turns out she had an alright reason. Im still pissed about it though, right now my life seems like such a waste. I have called coutless people and everyone seems to be busy. I think Im doomed some days. I have no one to really lean on, someone that will always be there, anytime. The golden rule is wrong just cause you drop everthing when ever anyone needs help doesnt mean that even one person will be there when you need help.

Except you, you couldnt love me and I believe you wanted too I do. You are still trying to be there but I think you realize you cant cause then i could fall deeper. But just because you cant doesnt mean I cant. If I would have said it would it have helped? I wanted to be able to prove it first, then say it soo you knew I ment it, and I do. I realize it couldnt ha ve been that kind but I can still be there for you,and love you, and help you with anything. I can and will be your step so you can reach the stars I dont care if your feet are muddy, or if you stand on my back to look for him. Now all i care about i guess is that you are atleast on my back.

Im horrible, now all i do is fight with my mom again all the time. Sometimes I wish that i could just go to sleep forever. I mean that wouldnt be so bad would it? Like i would never have to worry about anything again, or cover somones ass when they screw up. I would get to the finish faster. But what do i want to finish? I dont know