I don't even know what to say. I thought two days ago I would be working the next 14 straight days and then I sit here today and Im not working for three days, which in my eyes is good. I used to get such enjoyment out of my job. The money was always good and the customers would come and talk to me, but now i can't stand it. I sit at the stand all day trying to be that same peppy kid i used to be selling produce to older people but I can't. I put on a fake smile for them and they can tell that I don't want to be there. Its lonely, Jessica you don't know how right you were when you asked me that. I can't take it! This spring when I started I had motivation to see every day through, it was you who got me through work everyday. Now my motivation is literally to stay alive, to make it to college.
Now everywhere I go Im reminded of you, The stand in Raleigh where you would come visit me, Six Forks which I drive by everyday is where you go to church, the songs I listen to in my car the same ones that we listened to (you were the only girl Ive ever met that actually liked them), the balloon that you drew on that still hangs from my rear view mirror, the glass on my dresser that we both finger printed, Aerospace Engineering my major reminds me of how you like planes, the bon fires at work tell me of your pyromania and that day Tim was acting gay, THE FARM I had never seen it all like that before, and finally my friends the ones I bragged about you to allllll the time about how great you were and all the things you could do and enjoyed, the friends that now laugh behind my back because you aren't here. And the worst part is that I would rather live with the pain then forget all of those memories.