Digging up Bodies you thought were dead.

No the title might not make sense at first but think about during the older times people were buried with bells so that if they were still alive the could be exhumed, think of the shock that you would have knowing someone you cared about died, but come to find out they were just lay dormant for a time.

I dont know what Im doing right now. Ive tried for the past year and a half for one girl. Off and on she teases me giving me just enough to keep me moving keep me around. I finally pulled away before spring break and she doesnt say a thing, yet when i get back Im asked if we're ok... this from the girl that wont admit to liking me the one who the next week i find crying in my arms on a bench. She was crying because she was "worried about things" "we had class first and second semester and we danced last semester but i just dont see you as much this semester cause youve got your classes and ive got mine." We talk in the cold on a bench curled together under a blanket for 3 hours about everything just content with each others company and the resolution which had come about. Ive only felt anything of this magnitude once before. To the average person you would think these kind of emotions are meant for an aspiring couple of some sort, especially when i add the fact that if i didnt have free in texting we would run up a $150 phone bill myself only counting our communication. As I said i pulled back... i stopped caring cause it wasnt helping, all it did was drain me but then i run into her outside coming back from the library at 1am and we talk in the cold again for 20 min about god knows what. Followed closely the subsequent and third night in a row by a mutual wish to see "Benjamin Button" she looks and giggles at me throughout the movie, she touches my arm often, curling close to me and touches her nose to my ear with every syllable of every whisper... but we've been here before... im tired of pretending to jump into a warm pool when i know its cold.
So ive decided enough, I wont stop but im not gonna be fooled again. "Never again no-o-o no never again.~ Vertical Horizon"
Later as i go to sleep I recieve a text from my friend justin so i go to his place to see whats up... they were playing circle of death and there was this girl there that instanly started calling me Dan the man and hitting on me... long story short we hit cook out and she starts kissing me while we wait for our food, on the way back we make out again as my friend is driving, she even tries to get me back to her room but im not up for that tonight, its not the time or the place I had met her three hours ago, so i leave her in the care of her roomy but we've talked some... Then theres another girl that i see a good bit... shes cute as hell she hangs out with us sometimes but we hadnt met till last week and ive been chatting her too but she has a "boyfriend" at another school farther away, she never talks about him she has no pictures with him, he doesnt exist except for the relationship box on Facebook.

The real story is this weekend, it started thursday when a few friends came up and we went to a beach music club. I got banded we drank and had a good time so the next day we make it to class and we have to leave for wilmington, the place of all places, where my soul lingers days after i leave because it is always relaxing and enjoyable. But I go down and see roomys girl and we go eat... on the way ive gotten several texts from Jessica the only other person who has made me feel like Sarah does. I have been trying to come visit for months but it doesnt happen... I dont know why. Maybe I was scared of what might happen. You know how they tell you in school never to mix drugs cause of the 1+1=3 or more rule well, Wilmington+Her= A LOT. We went out and partied and I felt like i was having an alright time at first cause there was this guy who was just being somewhat obnoxious but he was just trying to get jessicas attention so i cant hold that against him, but we go to the party and it is FUN, I hit 22 beers plus liquor and im surprisingly good. I go outside to talk to her and some other people and the kid from earlier starts talking to me i tell him we had dated and he proceeds to tell me about how beautiful she is, but he doesnt seem to do her justice with the... looks good and cute, all i could think about was that day two years ago i thought for probably and hour about how to describe her so i settled on Estrella which just sounds wonderful off the tongue and translates to the most captivating things visible to us, stars. All of this rushed through me soo quickly, to the extreme that one second later i was ready to fight for her... but then i remembered she was no longer mine, i wasnt who she wanted to fight for her. This guy like me saw the beauty, he saw what i saw. Yeah maybe he didnt know how to say it his vernacular was lacking but the thought was there, yet he still lacked the emotional attachment I had once had, and as I found out right then... still had. We got done partying and proceeded back in a jeep full of people. When we got back to her place I took my bag in and we quickly lied down. We kissed we talked we messed around... we talked for im not sure how long but the meaning of what was said was enough to out last all of the Great Wonders. She apologized for what had happened 2 years ago she told me she was sorry and that I didnt deserve that, but I had gotten past it long ago... i wasnt mad I was sad cause I could hear the guilt in what she said she told me more things, things that should have shaken me things that would quake continents but I again wasnt in the least bit upset at her, I was upset with her I was upset at myself... where had I GONE this time why didnt I already know. It took me a few minutes to stop thinking about it and so I kept going, I had told her in the past how much I cared I had said these things now I wanted to show her, I was about to go further but then I thought... me being in 22 beers plus liquor, I thought... despite our past and how things had gone, even that I was in control, Ive wanted this for 2 years but I stopped, I mean at least not like this. The next morning I woke up at about nine i tried to go back to sleep but I wasnt tired... I was exhilarated, exhilarated simple watching her head on the right side of my chest move up...down...up...down.... long sigh... resume. I watched then i got some water and laid back down. After sometime I could tell she was awake for the day so I touched her arm... all the way to her back. I had forgotten how perfectly textured how perfectly tempertured she was, I told her it was the softest thing I had ever felt and I saw it soak in like a sweet flavored food, and so I then said "You know they should make toilet paper out of you," the perfect tang to the sweetest food. We talked for a minute, then I showered and went back with my friends. I was fine I didnt know how but I was. I hung out with everyone and we went to the Festival in downtown and all I wanted to do was lay down I was tired, so we went to the beach where I lay out and talked. We played frisbee and football we lay and talked more. Finally we went back and got ready to eat but by this time I wasnt fine. A seed, a familiar one had been planted and It was growing like a vine. I was missing her... for the past year I had talked to her only once a month on average but now it was only six hours later and I wanted to talk to her again I wanted to see her I wanted last night back I wanted two years back.
We partied again that night and it was really fun I connected with a few people I had met the last time I was down between the games the people and the alcohol I was well distracted. I talked to some people about a few things then when the party started coming down I went outside... I was out there from 2am till about 5am thinking, looking, talking to people for a minute as they left a few stayed and talked for a half hour but most for a few minutes... I hadnt realized till five that it the temperature had dropped about 20 degrees. I had began with the moon above me but I left with it in my face. I came in and went to sleep and woke up about one the next day, we went out toward the beach to eat we came back and chilled... palyed Frisbee, talked, I talked again with a few people I had talked to one person the night before given them some advice and that day they came back and told me it really made sense. We all went out and grilled one guys apartment and then we left we rolled out about 10 pm arriving here yesterday at about midnight. I was so tired but i couldnt sleep I stayed up thinking, fb chatting, and doing school work to pass the time, I finally went to sleep at 5 and was up again by noon today. Ive been to class and now I have more work to do but Ill get it done soon.
I know there are more days of writing to do. I know it will all work out, honestly just in the time its taken me to write this im better I just need full immersion in finishing the year strong right now.